Black Belt Thinking | Seven Steps To Being Assertive
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Seven Steps To Being Assertive

When we are more assertive we have more positive self-talk, we raise our self-esteem and we become more confident.

Being assertive means that we say what we think and how we feel, and we say what we want to happen. Not in an aggressive way or a quiet passive way, just matter of fact, expecting that we will be listened to, as we will listen to other people.

Here are seven steps to being more assertive:


Red Belt Recognise my own needs and wants, and ask for them.

These are wants and needs for me as a person, not me as a parent, spouse, worker, carer etc.


Orange Belt Use “I”.

Such as “I think it is a good idea to…….” If there is something you feel uncomfortable with say “I feel uncomfortable with…..”


Yellow Belt


Allow myself to make mistakes AND enjoy my success.

Just as it is okay to sometimes make mistakes, it is okay to recognise and celebrate our successes.


Green Belt


Permit myself to change my mind if I choose to.

The one constant thing in life is change. Everything changes, so we give ourselves permission to change how we think and feel.


Purple Belt


Set clear boundaries. “I am unable to do that because I……”

This is a useful tactic for overcoming aggressive or manipulative behaviour by other people. Set boundaries and stick to them.


Brown Belt


Ask for “Thinking it over time”.

This gives you space, and can help to counter aggressive or bullying behaviour.


Black Belt


Respect other people’s right to be assertive.

Black Belts acknowledge that they are assertive, and they want other people to be assertive too.


Select one of these right now that you will apply at some point today. How will you start? What will you do? What do you want to happen when you say it?

Choose right now to be more assertive, and you will develop the confidence of a Black Belt.


“If you always put limits on what you can do, physical or anything else, it’ll spread over into the

rest of your life. It’ll spread into your work, into your morality, into your entire being. There

are no limits. There are plateaus, but you must not stay there, you must go beyond them.”

Bruce Lee